l4brys:

i wont rest until ive complained about everything

silversora:

Allergies are weird as heck. You can snap a humans leg in half and they can recover but if you eat this peanut u dead

didihearthereadyset:

didihearthereadyset:

didihearthereadyset:

didihearthereadyset:

I have a really hot waiter.

Guys he came back with my food and said, “Careful the plate is hot too.” So I asked, “too?” and hE TOUCHED MY SHOULDER THEN MADE A SIZZLING NOISE.
IM FREAKING OUT WHAT DO I DO.

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wanna know what these all say?

"suck his dick"

(Source: spoopybarakarts)

cliffsfords:

damn no wonder bruno mars was locked out of heaven he couldn’t reach the doorknob

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(Source: nailemojis)

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